Finding Out Where All the Gay Men Are

One of the problems that a lot of guys have and are asking me about is where they can find other gay men – besides at the online personal sites.

Most of the guys that ask this question have one or more of the following characteristics:

  • They live in a smaller city, when compared to the BIG cities.
  • They’re usually not “Out” or they’ve only been out for a short while and don’t have many gay friends.
  • They think they’re the only gay person in their area.

Tune up your Gaydar, because regardless of your circumstances and regardless of where you live we’re going to take a look at some of the ways you can find out where all the gay men in your area hang out.

Now I do realize that it’s possible to live in a town where there’s next to no gay men around or at least none that are available. I have lived in some really small towns – three and four digit populations… So, you may have to take the occasional trip to your nearest large town in order to find any sizable gay population.

The first thing you need to do is take a good hard look at the city or town that you do live in. I had a boyfriend who claimed that there were no gay bars or gay organizations in his town. I couldn’t believe it because he lived in a University town and one of the Universities or Colleges had a major arts program…

Sure those aren’t proof that there’s got to be some gays out there, but my Gaydar says that those are indications that there’s going to be a few gays hanging around town. A quick flick through the local phone book confirmed my suspicions. Three gay bars, (one of them was a leather bar), a couple of gay book stores, the campus Pride Society – all in a “conservative mid-west state town”.

The phone book or Yellow Pages is a great resource. Whenever I’m traveling, one of the first things I do when I arrive or stop off in a city, is check out the phone book for gay book stores and gay bars.

Another resource that I’ve found invaluable is gay book stores. In addition to finding good reading material or a cute book store owner, employee or fellow gay bookworm, gay book stores often sell or give away “Pink Pages”. What are Pink Pages? They’re like the Yellow Pages, only geared towards the Gay and Lesbian community. Sometimes the Pink Pages are brochure sized, others are larger – booklet sized publications.

Speaking of the Pink Pages, there’s numerous Pink Pages on the web – many that are specific to certain cities or regions. Go to your favorite search engine, type in “Pink Pages” or try “Pink Pages and The City That You Live In”. (Skip the quotation marks.)

Online Gay Dating Safety

Gay chat rooms — Some guys love them, others loathe them. I’ll admit that I haven’t been active in the chat rooms for a few years. However, before I set about to writing this article I decided to cruise by a few chat rooms to see what the scoop is these days…Nothing much has really changed since my chat days; which could be a good thing or not.

Chat rooms can be a good way to meet new guys. Sometimes these virtual meetings and hookups can actually lead to meeting guys in the flesh. I’ve actually made it that far a couple of times. Where things go from there — well, that’s up to you and the guy you happen to meet with.

More often than not though, chat rooms tend to be a good place for a virtual quickie, or a good place to just socialize and chat with someone new about anything or nothing in particular. In my experience and observations, the emphasis tends to be on the virtual quickies and the hunt for virtual quickies.

Timing is everything — I’ve been to chat rooms that are totally crowded and rocking. When I went back a day later — the same room would be totally dead. It all depends on the time of day or night, just how active the chat room will be and where in the world the guys are chatting from.

By the way, most of the dating services that I recommend have chat rooms for their members. The chat rooms tend to be text based chat rooms were it’s one big free for all, with the ability to create a little private room for one-on-one text chats. Some also offer one-on-one video chat services.

One of the things that I’ve noticed lately about the various portals that offer chat rooms is that in order to participate fully or to be able to use the full range of features that the site uses, prospective members are encouraged to upgrade their free chat accounts to a paid account.

In fact, at MSN chat, which has quite a number of gay chat rooms, it doesn’t look like free members can do anything anymore other than lurk in the corner and watch people chat. You’ve got to upgrade to a premium chat account which happens to also give you a premium Hotmail account.

One of the reasons that the chat room providers are starting to charge money is to help cut down on the spammers who like to do fly by advertising in chat rooms. Chat rooms tend to be really expensive to run too as they use a lot of bandwidth and processes.

Gay Alcohol Addiction

Being a gay man is not easy. It’s meant facing alienation, isolation, and oppression. Today, it also implies coming to terms with our feelings of being out of the closet that people now know everything about your gay life. Then, mix in the stress over what it is like to be gay with some homophobia linked to fears of AIDS, and you remember that life’s not so easy.

Research has demonstrated, that at the least two million gays abuse alcohol and at least 30 percent requires drug addiction treatment at some point in their lives. That is three times the odds facing the general population. It is clear to anyone that alcohol abuse and drug addiction is a critical problem within the gay population. The good news is that there is now help for the problem. Gay drug rehab programs, gay alcohol rehab programs, and gay relapse prevention programs have opened up throughout.

Gay Social Life and Alcoholism

Much of the lifestyle associated with gay life contributes to the high rate of gay alcoholism and gay drug addiction. But the most significant factor remains the fear and hatred focused on gay people. Needless to speak, the society has never been in full support of the same-sex affair. It’s a simple fact that gay bars or the gay club scene are the focus of most social activities. And while addiction treatment and drug rehab professionals differ in their opinions on the extent to which bars contribute to the high degree of alcoholism among the gay society, no one denies the importance of bars in a gay social lie. The hard truth is that regardless of what contributes to gay alcoholism or gay drug addiction recovery has to be the solution.

Gay Alcohol Rehab Options and the Family

There are a variety of gay chemical dependency, drug rehab, alcohol rehab treatment options for gay persons, but what’s available in your particular area depends very much on where you live. For this reason, addiction treatment and alcohol rehab help lines have been established to assist those looking for gay-friendly treatment. Some addiction treatment programs are run by gays, while others have gay counselors on their staff, and still, others teach straight counselors in treating gay clients. In the past, gay men encountered problems when searching for treatment at alcohol rehab centers. In most cases, counselors weren’t entirely sympathetic to, or knowledgeable about, their patient being gay. Some would even go as far as attempting to “fix” a client’s sexuality issues, fallaciously believing that their gayness is the cause of the excessive consumption of alcohol.Today the situation has improved tremendously. Most gay addiction treatment programs or gay alcohol rehab programs have specific components for the gay population, with staff trained to meet their needs. Most of the gay drug rehab programs and gay alcohol rehabs even offer family recovery weeks to include a client’s lover. As a matter of fact, if a drug rehab or alcohol rehab doesn’t have this type of family recovery program, find one that will.

In the recent years, we’ve all seen an increased awareness of alcoholism and drug addiction among gay men. This same awareness has prompted addiction treatment specialists to improve drug and alcohol rehab programs for gay people. There have even been gay dual diagnosis components established in addiction treatment. Things are better, but there’s still room for a whole lot of improvement.